What It Felt to be Leaving 2018?

“Dr, I really thought you’ll say that I have like less than three months to live..”

“Ha ha ha, there is still a long way to go..”

And then I smile, yes indeed, there is a long way to go…

exiting 2018

Last two days, I experienced a real pain on my chest. I have a very sleepless night, I cant move so much and the only position that my chest will be less in pain is when I lay down on my back. The pain worsens up while Im doing my sujood and ruku’, its like being poked and stabbed with a sharp knife. Even breathing in was that painful.

Then on another morning seeing dr is seems the best option. The doctor then explained the cause of that razor-sharp pain in my chest as its happen to be that my muscle got swollen up till I have difficulty in breathing (because my lung expands) or whenever I make any dynamic move. While breathing is okay, it’s just that some muscle in my body got swollen and that’s why I experience the pain.

Its kind of funny actually, on how I thought that I’ve got a heart problem (and nearly coming to the end of my life), because the pain I felt come from my left chest side and the misconception of having a breathing difficulties really put me into a position where I thought I have experienced a minor heart attack. 😅 Silly me tho, alhamdulillah it was not what I expected. And I really thanks to the doctor for helping me understand why and what causes the illness. Alhamdulillah. Life goes on.

فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانْصَبْ

Kemudian apabila engkau telah selesai (daripada sesuatu amal soleh), maka bersungguh-sungguhlah engkau berusaha (mengerjakan amal soleh yang lain).

-Sura Al-Insyirah, Ayah 7

My 2018 was another… Well, some of the great year I ever have. I’ve planned but Allah the Best Planner. Never that I know 2018 will happen to be the BIG WHY for me to strive harder than before for Allah Mercy.

I messed something up and left me in a place of where my position at the office at stakes. It put me in a very complex and difficult situation, it questions about my integrity, my credibility and so on. It affects not only me but also the people around me.

For the first time on the several years, I have time to reflect myself even deeper than before. At the moment in the search for the answer, this questions finally strikes me:

Did I do every of this for people attention and affection or DO I DO THIS FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH?

Allahu rabbi. At that time I realize it crystal clear that I’ve been doing it the wrong way all this time. I crave for people attention more than Allah attention. Allahu. I’m in a serious sickness that finally Allah send His Warning by taking what I love the most – the team trust.

If Allah had taken all the things that I have now, to Whom shall I return?

Of course to Allah right?

Alhamdulillah for Allah Mercy, for guiding me especially on the sense of making my heart stay sensible in this path.

وَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَن تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ – 2:216

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

I realize that I have nothing in this world, Allah can take anything I have now because it was never been mine from the first place. My family that I love, my company that I work so hard, my team member trust, Allah can take that all of that from me. At the end, what’s left is only me and Allah.


That was indeed the most powerful lesson I’ve learned in 2018. And for 2019 I have so much to look forward with. And this blog was in the to-do list. I’ll rearrange some things and maybe a ‘major’ thing, Bismilillah, and with Allah Will.

And yeah im still in the same company to work harder to gain those trust that I have betrayed (mcm buku fiction pula – lols). Oh dear reader, please pray for me key?

I believe doesn’t matter what happens in your life, whether you doing wrong things or doing something was not on your will, DO NOT skip praying. Allah selalu dengan kita, kita jak selalu jauh kan? Hu hu.

It’s never late for me to say, Happy New Year my dearest reader. May Allah granted all your prayer.

Why wish upon a star if you prayer will be answer by Allah anyway?

Keep the positives vibes and till then have a nice and wonderful day.